Now that I’ve coached over 1,000 pastors through my Senior Pastor Coaching Networks, you can probably imagine that I get a lot of emails from week to week.

In fact, most of the time, it serves as a huge encouragement to me – hearing the stories of growing churches, radically changed lives and greater Kingdom impact in communities all over the U.S. and beyond!

Occasionally, however, I receive emails from pastors who are hurting.  Just recently I got an email from one of my coaching alums who was feeling the sting of some negative feedback.

He had invited some of his church’s First Time Guests to complete a survey about their experience at the weekend service (something I recommend in my Assimilation System).

It’s a great tactic for gathering feedback from new people and reinforcing a positive experience.

In this instance, though, one of his church’s guests replied to the survey with an apparently honest, but negative impression of the “friendliness” of the people in his church.

And that hurts – it’s one thing to see the flaws and shortcomings of your own church, but it’s something else entirely when someone else points them out!

The sad thing is that just one negative survey response like this can steal the joy of even the biggest and most powerful Sundays if you let it….

Maybe you can relate -

- A dozen people commit their lives to Christ on Sunday, but the thing that sticks with you is the critical comment about your sermon.

- Everyone raves about your special worship service, but the only thing you remember on Sunday night is the person who complained about it being too loud.

- Your inbox is full of encouraging stories of how Jesus is changing people’s lives, but you just keep reading and re-reading that one email from the family who’s leaving your church.

I could go on and on (I’m sure you could too), but the point is this:

Negative feedback is a fact of life for church leaders and it will ruin your day (or week/month/year) if you let it!

So here are a few tips I shared with him for dealing with negative feedback (because we all get it from time to time):

• Don’t let it get you down – it happens to the best of us
• Reply to the sender (if appropriate) and thank them for their feedback
• Let them know that their feedback will help your church do better in the future
• Ask for grace and offer your prayers as they search for the right church home
• If the feedback is constructive, use it as a teachable moment with your leaders (but only if you can use it in a positive manner)
• Above all else – don’t get discouraged and don’t give up…

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9

P.S. For more helpful insights on dealing with the hurt of people leaving your church, check out my newest resource, Why People Leave Your Church (And What You Can Do About It).

Having helped thousands of churches over the last few years with their assimilation system (through the Fusion book and training events, The Assimilation Seminar and The Assimilation Intensive), you might imagine that I get a lot of questions about the different aspects of Assimilation.

One of the most high impact Assimilation techniques that I recommend is the Connection Card (you can read more about that by clicking here), and I get a lot of questions about what to include on the Back of the card – what we call “Next Steps.”

So here are a few tips (and some examples) based on how I choose “Next Steps” for the Connection Card:

• List your regular next steps (those that are the same each week) on the right side of the back of the card (ex: Becoming a Christian, Baptism, Membership, Serving, etc.).
• Limit the week-specific next steps to four or five total on the left side of the card.
• Include the Memory Verse for that week’s message (ex: My Next Step today is to… Memorize John 3:16).
• Write a couple of specific “action steps” that tie in with your message (ex: My Next Step today is to… Commit my personal finances to God and begin following his plan.).
• Offer a sign-up for an upcoming event at your church (ex: My Next Step today is to… Learn more about the Christmas Party on December 17).

Your Connection Card will drastically increase the number of newcomers you can connect to and follow up with, and that’s going to help your church grow.

However, many people have told me that they’ve found that it streamlines many of the tedious (even confusing) processes – like sign-ups for small groups, Baptism, and submitting prayer requests – by handling it ALL in one place.

And on top of all that, your connection card will help you grow your people by challenging them to take next steps every week!

P.S. For more advanced techniques for keeping more of your church’s guests and moving them toward fully committed membership, check out The Assimilation Intensive.

It hurts when people leave our churches . . . people who have been around for a long time; people who are relatively new; people who have experienced life change at our churches.

People leave church! It’s a reality of ministry. I live with it and so do you.

But can we do more than just live with the fact that people do leave?

For the last decade or so, I’ve been dealing with the personal pain of people leaving, the spiritual consequences of people leaving and the “failure feelings” that come when someone leaves.

So I started to humbly ask myself, ask our leaders and ask God, “Why are people leaving?”

And what I discovered amazed me.

I learned that about 95% of the time, people leave for SIX MAJOR reasons.

That was good news to me.  I could identify and deal with six reasons (not six hundred – that would be too many – but six seemed manageable).

I began to teach these six reasons to the hundreds of pastors that I have coached and found over and over these reasons were behind 95% of the ‘losses’ in their church too.

But then I took it a step further, I asked: What can I do about it?

With God’s help and insight, I discovered that there were practical steps I could take to either prevent people from leaving before they walked out the door or steps I could take to keep the door open for their return.

Out of this learning process in my own ministry and now having tested these ideas with hundreds of my coaching alumni, I’m proud to present to you a BRAND NEW RESOURCE.

This NEW Resource is entitled:

WHY PEOPLE LEAVE CHURCH (AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT)

In this 3-CD, one-hundred-twenty-two minute resource, I describe in detail the six major reasons people leave.

But I go beyond just description . . . this resource focuses on prescription too.

Because I also show you six biblical ACTIONS YOU CAN TAKE to either keep people from leaving in the first place or make sure the door remains open for their return.

I think this resource will be PERSONALLY VALUABLE AND BENEFICIAL to you for at least three reasons:

1. This resource will give you peace of mind in knowing exactly why people are leaving your church (just identifying the reasons helped me feel like less of a failure).
2. This NEW resource will give you ‘something to do’ that will help you keep hope alive while dealing with the pain of loss. Instead of feeling helpless and hopeless, you will now have some actions you can take.  I will give you a track to run on.
3. This resource will give you new insight as to why people REALLY leave (hint: the reason they tell you ain’t the actual reason they leave.   No doubt you felt this way in your heart but I’ll prove it to you and spell it out for you in the resource).

Here’s what I’m trying to say: this resource isn’t just valuable for the material I cover, it’s valuable for the PEACE OF MIND it will bring to you.  Does that make sense?

Listen, I’ll not only give you the specific nuts and bolts action steps that you’ve come to expect from me, this resource will relieve your heavy heart and help you gain a new healthy perspective.

How do I know this?  Because that’s what putting the resource together and implementing it at The Journey Church did for me.

As I applied the actions steps, we begin to keep more people (yeah!).

But yet others would still leave from time to time. While I hated to see them go, it was no longer a heartbreaker for me because I knew two things: 1) The real reason they were leaving was different then what the told me and 2) that if I kept the door open for the reasons I discuss in the resource, they were more likely to return.

Frankly, I never planned for the material I share in this resource to be ‘public.’

I thought it would be material used only in my high-commitment coaching networks.

But as I taught the material to my networks, they encouraged me to put it together so that all pastors in the Church Leader Insights family could benefit.

Here’s the direct link if you want to pick it up now, or keep reading for more:

Download Now & Save $10.00!
or
Secure Your 3-CD Set

Here’s just a sample of what I will teach you in this resource:

• The TOP SIX REASONS people leave your church, and what you can do about it.
• How THREE of these reasons are impossible to correct after the fact – but you can prevent them before they happen.
• How THREE of these reasons give you an opportunity for greater ministry.
• How to reduce the impact of all SIX reasons people leave (you can’t eliminate them, but you can minimize them).
• The BIGGEST MISTAKE you can make when someone leaves your church (there are RIGHT things to do when some one leaves and WRONG things, I’ll show you which ones work).
• How to make sure you don’t lose FOCUS when someone leaves.
• What growing churches do differently when it comes to people leaving church.
• What ONE THING will kill the chances of someone ever returning (its not what you thing – in fact, I bet you are doing it in some form or another in your church right now and its hurting you without you even knowing it).
• Why you should NEVER chase someone who leaves (really! I’ll show you why).

Plus so much more.  It’s a packed resource!

In fact, I know this will be such a help to you that I’m offering a FULL 365 DAY NO-QUESTIONS-ASKED FULL SATISFACTION RETURN-FOR-ANY-REASON guarantee.

Pick up the resource, listen to it as much as you want and, for any reason, if you aren’t happy, return it for a 100% complete prompt courteous refund.

OK, so are you ready to pick up the resource, follow this link right now:

Download Now & Save $10.00!
or
Secure Your 3-CD Set

If you prefer to order by phone, give us a call today at 1-800-264-5129.

Your Partner in Ministry,

P.S. After I finished the ‘formal’ one-hundred-twenty-two minute presentation you’ll find in this resource, my team kept the recorders running and hit me with six additional ‘tough questions’ about why people leave church.

Because my answers were unscripted and straight from my heart (which I had just laid bare for the previous recording) I had to seriously consider what to do with this extra material.

My pain is your gain because we took the extra question and answer time and added it as a BONUS to the CDs or Downloads (over thirty additional minutes of bonus material).

This bonus material is in addition to a leaders guide, listeners guide and full transcript on the resource CD.

I want to do everything I can to help you with this key issue.

Once again, here’s the link to pick up the CDs or Download Now:

Download Now & Save $10.00!
or
Secure Your 3-CD Set

“Given a big enough why people can bear almost any how.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Obviously, Nietzsche and I don’t agree on everything, but on this statement we do.

And as a church leader, you need to learn this lesson well and repeatedly…

The most powerful word for leading change in your church is BECAUSE.

I brought this up in my Assimilation Coaching Network recently to help churches increase the number of people who complete Connection Cards in each service.

One of the members of that network, Matt Barnett (Connections Pastor at Solid Rock Community Church in Covington, Washington) and I emailed back and forth and he gave me permission to share a “Because” list that he and his team compiled.

Here’s Matt’s list of reasons why everyone should fill out a Connection Card at his church:

1. Because we are updating our database (specifically useful when people are getting back into routines, like the first of the year or when school starts in the fall).

2. We ask both you and your spouse to fill out a card individually because you each have an individual spiritual journey with Jesus, so your next steps are different too.

3. Because it makes our guests feel more comfortable completing their cards when they see you filling out yours.

4. Because, members and regular attenders, the next steps on this card are for you.

5. Because this card is how you sign up for a small group.

6. Because we all have friends that don’t yet have a relationship with Jesus, and by writing those names (as a next step), we as a staff will join you in praying for them!

Great work Matt!

Of course, the beauty of this principle is that it will work for just about anything you”re trying to lead yourself or other people to do – find enough reasons why and the how gets a lot easier…

It’s the power of BECAUSE!

P.S. Want to know more about how using this simple tool called a “Connection Card” can drastically increase the number of newcomers who get plugged in at your church?  Check out The Assimilation Intensive.

Last Thursday, I led The Fusion Webinar and have received a great deal of positive feedback and questions – I wanted to address one more of these questions today.

Any time I start outlining the Assimilation process that I teach and use at The Journey (including weekly Connection Cards, pens on every bulletin, handwritten notes for newcomers, etc.), inevitably I’m asked…

How am I supposed to afford all this for our First Time Guests?

Well, I’m glad you asked.  I have a few answers:

First of all, remember that your Assimilation System is nothing more than biblical hospitality (that’s one reason why this system works in so many contexts, church sizes and styles).

Second, why not spend a little money to keep newcomers around long enough to experience serious life change.  I mean, we all agree that spending money on evangelism is OK – why wouldn’t you spend a little more to help those people plug in and grow spiritually.

Finally, money spent on Assimilation is not an expense, it’s an investment.

Assimilation spending is an investment in:

• Taking care of the men and women that God prompted to attend your church
• The future health of your church (by helping others move toward membership)
• The spiritual growth of the people and families you’re reaching
• Eternity!

So in short, you may be asking the wrong question.  The right question is…

How can I afford NOT to invest in the people God is sending our way each week?

P.S. For all the details of implementing, evaluating and improving your church’s Assimilation System, check out The Assimilation Intensive Workshop.

We had a great crowd for The Fusion Webinar last Thursday and I wanted to follow up with a couple of the more frequently asked questions from participants.

Probably the most asked question any time I lead an Assimilation training has to do with the handwritten notes that you should be sending to all of your First Time Guests.

And the actual question is: Who writes all those notes?

I get this question from pastors of small churches, megachurches and every size church in between, and to them I say:

You do!

Yes, there is something powerful about the Senior Pastor’s involvement in the Assimilation System, most notably when it comes to First Time Guest follow-up.

On the practical side, it gives newcomers another point of connection with the person who was on stage on Sunday.

And spiritually, it give you (the pastor) a time to handle each person’s note and pray for them by name.

Full disclosure here – now that we have 70-80 first time guests each week at The Journey, I’m no longer able to write each note personally.

I have assembled a team that helps me complete these cards nowadays, but I still make it a point to write some of them and to pray over all of the names each week.

We’re in the middle of what is typically a busy ministry season in our churches, so don’t miss out this fall…

Take some time over the next few days to evaluate and upgrade your church’s Assimilation System, starting with sending a handwritten note to every one of your first time guests!

P.S. If you’re looking for the most comprehensive Assimilation training available, check out The Assimilation Intensive Workshop.

If you’re a regular reader, you know I believe that First Time Guests who attend your church are gifts from God.

As such, I’m a stickler for following up with these “gifts” as thoroughly as possible to invite them to come back, get plugged in and ultimately become fully committed members of your church.

One of the pieces of the follow-up puzzle is a “one month later” letter to all first time guests.

This letter is designed to remind people of their first attendance one month ago, offer them a gift to help them grow spiritually (we typically send a message CD), and let them know about any timely opportunities to get more involved.

As for logistics, we send this letter each week to every first time guest who attended four weeks ago (whether they’ve attended again since then or not).

This letter requires a bit of thought, but is a vital step in being the best possible stewards of the “first time gifts” that God sends to your church each week.

Here’s a recent sample of this letter from The Journey:

One Month Follow-Up Letter (.doc)

P.S. To learn all about The Assimilation System that I teach from the comfort of your own office or home, check out The Fusion Webinar - This Thursday at 2pm.  Click here to read more and Register Now!

Have you ever sat down and thought through what you expect of your church members?

For the sake of today’s post, I don’t necessarily mean the “biggies” (like attending, serving, giving, etc.), although those are vital.  Hopefully you are presenting those expectations clearly during Membership Class and reminding members of their responsibilities regularly.

Today, I mean the “little things” that make a big difference in the culture of your church…

To illustrate what I mean, I’d like to share a handy (and powerful) document from EastLake Church in Chula Vista, California.  Their Lead Pastor (Mike Meeks) is one of my Coaching Alumni and his team is currently in my Assimilation Coaching Network.  They offered to let me share this letter with you today.

It’s a letter they send to New Members about two weeks after they sign the Membership Agreement:

Greetings!

What a great season this is at EastLake Church!  Each week I see Jesus working in so many lives, connecting us in friendships and revealing God’s purpose for us as individuals and as a church.

I want to say thank you for joining us two weeks ago for our “Discovering Membership” seminar.  Way to go on jumping in with both feet!  We appreciate your commitment to our membership team as we all work together to help people find and follow Jesus in San Diego County.

If you were not already serving on one of our ministry teams, I trust you have already been contacted by a representative of a ministry you signed up for.  If not, please let us know and we will make sure that a connection happens.

As a member, we would ask you to join the rest of us in our weekly “secret” duties of membership:

• Fill out a Connection Card every week – This makes it easier for our guests to feel comfortable and trust us with their information.
• Sit in the Center Section (the closer, the better) – Again, thinking about our guests, this leaves room on the wings, aisle and towards the back.
• Show up on time – This sets a great tone in the service right at the beginning as we celebrate the Lord together in worship.

I know for many of you, you’re thinking… “This goes against everything I like to do — roll in late, sit on an aisle, and rebel against the stupid card.” That’s what I would naturally think!  But remember it’s not just about you or me!  It’s about helping people find and follow Jesus.  And believe it or not, those three little things help our guests dramatically.

Thanks, again, for joining the EastLake Team.  We know God is going to continue working in your life and using you to impact others.

“Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.”  ~1 Cor 12:27

Blessings,

Pastor Name

Thanks to Mike and the entire EastLake staff!

I love the lighthearted tone of this letter, but the clear expectations that it lays out.

These aren’t BIG THINGS, but they are the Little Things that, over time, come to define your church’s culture – and make your church as welcoming as possible to new people.

So how about you… What do you expect of your church members?  Do they know that?

P.S.  For a comprehensive resource that contains everything you need to plan, prepare for, execute and follow up on a Membership Class at your church, check out The Maximizing Membership Package (available for Immediate Download).

For all of you who have read my book Fusion or listened to The Assimilation Seminar, you know that part of the Assimilation System that I teach is emailing out a brief online survey to every First Time Guest that attends The Journey.

There are a couple of reasons behind this survey: 1) To get an idea of their first impressions and genuinely assess how we’re doing as much as possible, and 2) To reinforce the positive experience they had and hopefully prompt them to come again.

Now, not everyone is willing to respond to a survey, but when they do it often says a lot about how we’re doing as a church.

Today I wanted to share a big win for our team at The Journey… here’s a survey response we received from First Time Guest last week:

What did you notice first?

I noticed smiling faces everywhere, how organized everything was (literature, tables, etc.), and a joyful spirit in everyone I saw or spoke to. For me, it can be a little intimidating as a first time in a new church. I like it to be more of a personal process and just get a ‘feel’ for it. Some churches, with all the best intentions, can be overpowering with things like ‘receiving lines’ at the front door, name tags, escorts to a seat, asked that first timers stand up, etc. When I entered The Journey on Sunday, I didn’t feel descended upon, just welcomed.

What Did You Like Best?

I loved the great music that lead off the service – very engaging. I especially liked that the service seemed designed to be interactive (connection card, worksheet), was relative to daily life, didn’t have a judgmental tone, and wasn’t preachy.

Overall Impression?

The Journey has a wonderful atmosphere. Several times I looked around at the members and was really pleased to see that people were attentive, engaged, and just plain smiling a lot. That doesn’t happen by accident.

Wow! That’s a great response – I was able to share this with our team to celebrate the win, PLUS just the very act of completing this survey served to reinforce the positive experience that this person had in their first visit to The Journey.

How do you solicit feedback from your newcomers? What can you start doing this weekend to find out what they’re experiencing at your church?

P.S. For a step-by-step process to help First Time Guests become Fully Committed Members of your church, check out The Assimilation Seminar.

This three hour seminar has helped thousands of churches just like yours do a better job of integrating new people into the life of their church – why not you?

Click here to read more and secure your copy of The Assimilation Seminar.

Welcoming new people to your church is one of the pillars of a solid Assimilation System (not to mention a demonstration of Christian hospitality).

But whether we like it or not, many of the people greeting newcomers at our churches aren’t sure how to make others feel welcome.

First impressions are so important that I recommend having a brief training for all of your greeters every Sunday (yes every Sunday).

Recently, I ran across a good article about this from my friend Hal Seed - he asks his people to “LINE-UP” and welcome new people every weekend:

Making Newcomers Feel Welcome

How much time does it take for a visitor to decide whether or not they will return to your church? Experts pose differing numbers on this. Some say as quickly as 90 seconds. Others say three minutes. Still others say they take as long as 12 minutes to decide. Whoever is right, making a good first impression is imperative if you are going to retain first time visitors. Doing this well will change as your church grows.

Churches with attendance under 150 can make a friendly first impression by stationing two or three outgoing volunteers at their front doors. In this size church, newcomers are able to look around the crowd and find the “people like me” pretty quickly. “People like me,” is key to assimilating newcomers in smaller churches.

Once you get to 200 or more, the number of names and faces is large enough that you’ll an exceptionally committed volunteer to be at the door at least 45 weekends a year. Since the average Sunday school teacher only attends church 39 weeks a year, you probably won’t find such a person. Hence, a staff member needs to assume this responsibility. When our church was under 400, my associate pastor met every first time visitor and introduced them to others. If you ask anyone who came during that era, “Who did you meet first?” there answer was always, “Scott Evans.”

Above 400, first impressions must be everyone’s responsibility. The average church welcomes three visitors per week for every 100 attendees. So at 400, you’ll have 12 or more brand new guests each weekend. No one person can meet and introduce them all to someone like them. Welcoming becomes a family affair.

At New Song, I ask our Core to “LINE-UP” every weekend.

L = Look for someone you don’t know.

I = Introduce yourself.

N = Never sit alone.

E = Engage in conversation after the service.

U = Use the RU New Café (our monthly lunch for newcomers).

P = Practice the 3/10 Rule (talk to 3 people you don’t know during the first 10 minutes after the service).

LINE-UP has made us one of the friendliest churches in the world. And it’s scalable, so it ought to work for yours too. Embed the process in your people by teaching it at leadership meetings, new members’ classes, and at least annually in church.

Great stuff Hal – keep up the good work.

How do you teach your people to welcome newcomers?

What can you do this week to help your church become even friendlier than last Sunday?

P.S. To learn the in’s and out’s (and all the details) of fine-tuning your church’s Assimilation System, check out The Assimilation Intensive.